Dan Erickson
Dan attended a Catholic university because his mother said, “I don’t care what college you attend, as long as it is a Catholic one.” So, Dan was off to Marquette University and four years later graduated with a degree in History. Why History? Why not? How many young 18 year olds know what they want to do? Most don’t have a clue and like Dan are influenced by myriad factors. In this case, by a well meaning and loving mother who wanted only the best for her son. Little did she know the impact her request would have on Dan for the next twenty years.
When Dan was about 12 years of age, he decided that he wanted to be accepted by his peers, not an unusual need by any means, especially at that age. But, in Dan’s case, it resulted in his suppressing his own thoughts, interests, abilities and feelings in order to get along and be part of the group.
“I felt like I stopped being authentic. Just being myself was not enough.”
Fast forward to the present time and at the age of 43 Dan has spent the past 17years in a profession and several of those years in a business where he found little fulfillment and happiness.
Success, professional advancement, big paycheck, lovely wife, supportive parents and his dogs all seemed to point to a man who had it all-the American dream!
So, what was missing? Happiness and self-fulfillment had escaped Dan as he pursued what he thought he was supposed to. After all, that is what his father did and others he had come to know. And isn’t that what society expected of him?
Then why was Dan so unhappy? You see, Dan was a “pleaser” and an “accommodater.” He put his own feelings and desires last. Dan’s sense of self-worth was tied to what others thought of him.
*Dan went to a Catholic university to please his mother.
*He remained in a career he didn’t care for because he had family responsibilities.
*Dan’s ability to earn a sizeable paycheck and save a considerable amount of money validated his sense of self-worth. “I should make a lot of money. It rules my fears.”
“I always felt inferior. The only way people will notice me if I have money. I put money and things as my self-worth.”
*Money represented security and stability for Dan. Consequently, he could not even conceive of being without a job. Afterall, what would he do and what would his wife think? And of course, there were his parents-how would they feel if their only son wasn’t working?
*”I’m not really that smart.” Dan had never considered himself to be very intelligent and settled for jobs that he could do but never challenged himself to reach higher heights.
Yes, you guessed it! Dan had lots of “clutter” and it was keeping him “stuck” in a job that was extracting a physical and emotional toll.
Clutter is “A sort of mental noise, a messy chorus of thoughts that consists of rationalizations for staying where you are.”
Dan began his CoreThemes work with a good measure of skepticism that it could lead to real and lasting change. And of course, there was the matter of drawing from his savings to pay for a program that only promised to help him understand himself at a deeper level, but offered no guarantees that he would find his perfect job.
What Dan did know for certain was that he was very unhappy and had been for many years. It wasn’t simply a bad boss or not liking the company’s policies or not earning enough money or too much travel. No, whatever was at the root cause of his discontent was much more serious and Dan knew it.
As Dan explained, “Something is missing but I don’t know what. All I know is that I am unhappy and have no sense of purpose in my career.”
Dan’s symptoms were fairly obvious: he hadn’t been exercising and had gained weight and he always prided himself on being physically fit. But of late, he just didn’t have the energy or desire to work out.
Elizabeth, his lovely and supportive wife observed that Dan was a restless sleeper. And there were the usual physical complaints such as back ache, tense muscles etc.
It was fairly early in the process when we had what I would call a “breakthrough.” I was reviewing Dan’s tests results, specifically his scores on the Analytical Judgment Test, a test that measures analytical and conceptual thinking ability. I explained to Dan that he scored at the 86th percentile on analytical thinking and at the 67th percentile on conceptual thinking when compared to a group of top executives.
I explained that these were very impressive scores and then waited for his reaction. Dan seemed perplexed and a bit stunned by the test results. I repeated the scores to him and gave him a more detailed explanation of what these scores really meant. Simply put, I said to Dan that he was a very bright and intelligent person. That he had the cognitive ability to achieve success in many areas.
I then said to him that given his belief that he wasn’t very smart, that I wasn’t going to let him leave my office until he admitted that he indeed was an intelligent individual capable of achieving greater accomplishments than he had to date.
You see, Dan’s belief that he wasn’t very smart enabled him to not take risks or challenge himself at higher levels. Therefore, he wouldn’t fail!
After about an hour or so, Dan finally gave in and agreed with my assessment. Of course, this also meant that he could no longer hide behind his notion of not being intelligent.
As we progressed through the process, Dan seemed to gain more confidence that something positive was going to come out of the hard work he was doing to figure out what he really wanted to do in his life. He was still working in a job that provided little personal reward, but he wasn’t quite ready to leave a good paying job just yet!
After several drafts, Dan seemed very comfortable and sure about his CoreThemes list.
Number one on his list, not surprising, was his need to be involved in situations, problem solving activities or solutions that require thought, analysis, research, observation where he could exercise his high analytical and conceptual abilities.
Dan’s other CoreThemes:
Integrity. Dan described this as being in a career where his motivation comes from within-believing that what he was doing makes a difference in his life and the lives of others. Having the feeling that he truly knows what he is talking about and being truly open and honest about his services, products and processes.
Autonomy. Dan explained this as wanting to have control over his work environment, schedule and processes. And needing to have a leadership role in the strategy and decision making process.
Family and Personal Life Balance. To be present for his wife, family, his pets and friends. Spending quality time with his wife that leads to a more nurturing and loving relationship.
Compassion. This concerns helping others to choose a direction in their life or making a decision that is hard for them or important to them. “I love when somebody asks me to help them and I am able to help through various ways.”
**See Dan’s completed list of CoreThemes.
Dan made an important decision about the time of “discovering” his CoreThemes and resigned from his job. In the next few months he pursued job opportunities using his CoreThemes as a guide along with his new and revised resume.
Dan was very open in his interviews about his CoreThemes and how important they were in his life. He expressed to me as we discussed his job search how impressed several of the interviewers were with his open and deliberate approach to finding work.
Success came when Dan interviewed with a company that seem to match his CoreThemes and the three Principles he steadfastly was guided by in his search.
Dan is a great example of someone who faced his “clutter” and the associated fears and is now in a much better place. He is happier, healthier and living his CoreThemes.